7 Essential Tips For Surviving Thanksgiving

Let’s face it, Thanksgiving can be stressful. Even though being thankful is literally in the name, often times the only thing we’re thankful for is that our in-laws aren’t coming over (or that we’re not the one’s cooking!). Even with the best of families, the combination of relatives from out-of-town, close quarters, cooking, cleaning, navigating sensitive topics, and worrying about if it’s rude to take the last piece of pecan pie can become overwhelming (we’ll come back to pecan pie later). Thankfully (*wink* *wink*) I’ve provided 7 tips to help you survive this holiday (even if your mother-in-law is coming over!).

1. Get Your Mind Right Beforehand

Prevention is always easier than cleaning up a mess later, and Thanksgiving is no exception. Take the week (or even the day) before to mentally brace yourself for the chaos that could ensue. Don’t waste all this precious time dreading and fretting though; take time to imagine how things could go right. Picture yourself smiling and being gracious when your dad says your turkey is too dry, or showing your kiddos grace and patience when they start fighting during the middle of dinner.

2. Inhale-Pause. Exhale-Accept

Using your breath to combat overwhelming emotions is a surefire way to help you stay sane. When you begin to feel overwhelmed (perhaps when, say, your mother-in-law comments on how rowdy your kids are) take 4-6 deep breaths, repeating “pause” on the inhale and “accept” on the exhale. Giving yourself a moment to pause can help you to slow down and avoid saying or doing something that you may regret later; accepting the moment for what it is—stressful, irritating, annoying—allows us to move through moments of hardship without them deeply affecting us. We can pause, accept, and let go.

3. Set a Time Limit

Perhaps this year you’re going over to your partner’s house for Thanksgiving: even for those of us who like our in-laws, it can become a bit much when we’re all crammed in together and everyone’s trying to talk to you (hello fellow introverts!). Talk to your partner about setting a time limit on how long you plan to stay, preferably an amount of time that you both are comfortable with. (If you’re closer to being an ambivert like myself, set a time limit, but don’t feel committed to it. If you’re having a good time, give yourself an extra 10 minutes. Still having a good time? How about another 15.)

4. Find Your People

Decide who it is that you’re wanting to hang out with that’s going to help get you through the festivities. Maybe it’s your partner, or your sister who you’re dying to catch up with, or your cousin’s boyfriend who likes movies and also doesn’t think chili is a Thanksgiving staple. I love my nieces and nephews—they never talk to me about politics or comment on how much weight I’ve gained—so they’re my go-to people during the holidays (“oh don’t worry, I’ll chaperone the kids table!”).

 5. Get Assertive, Set Boundaries

There’s no time like the holidays to find your voice and set clear boundaries. Healthy boundaries allow you to say, “I’d rather not talk about that” when religion is brought up or “I’d love some more!” when Mom asks who’d like the last piece of pecan pie (and they don’t have to worry about anyone saying anything, because they say “I don’t want to talk about that” when their aunt mentions their eating habits). Firm, fair, and consistent boundaries provide structure within relationships that establish and maintain respectful, satisfying, and productive interactions.

6. Know When Enough is Enough

There may come a time in certain relationships that enough is enough, and it is no longer healthful to keep in contact with a person—family or otherwise. Take a hard look at challenging relationships and search to see if interactions can be resolved by healthier boundaries, greater support from a loved one, or personal and/or relational growth. If not, it may be time to let this person go and limit your interaction with them. This can be difficult in close-knit families, or those families and cultures that value community. Enough is enough may not mean severing all ties to this particular person; instead, it may be not interacting with them beyond pleasantries or reducing how much emotional energy you put into your interactions with them.

7. Consider Utilizing Therapy

Working with a licensed professional—especially a family therapist—can help you to cope with overwhelming family interactions. A therapist can provide meaningful feedback, along with expert advice and support, that can relieve anxiety and stress during the holidays. A family therapist is specifically trained on managing family conflicts and can give insights into family dynamics and roles that lead to stressful and unsatisfying interactions.

Thanksgiving can be a challenging time for individuals and families; hopefully these tips and tricks will help you feel less overwhelmed and more thankful this holiday season. If you would like expert advice and coaching to help you manage the stress of the holidays, I would love to support and empower you! Please call (316) 444-0145 or email derek@healinghousetherapy.com to schedule an appointment. 

Meet The Author

Hi there! I’m Derek Whitney; a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist based in Wichita, Kansas. My clients appreciate my authenticity, my optimism, and overall growth-oriented attitude. From helping individuals discover their inner happiness to guiding families to a healthy household, I am experienced in bringing hope and healing to those that walk through my door. Together, we will work to achieve a life full of joy, love, and contentment.